3.10.19

What can I do
but stay beholden
to the life that simply passes me by

What can I do
but become spectator
to the things I've chosen
--or have they chosen me?
The things and events and people
that fall into my lap
from a greater being
in whom I trust,
whose hand I hold

What can I do
but sit still and accept
that things are as they are
The things that are not
are tucked away in a black box
Out of sight, but not out of mind
For I know the possibilities that are in store
--that could be in store

I know that someone could
knock on your door
and shower you with gifts--
let the flowers fall into your lap!

Someone could fill your hours
with laughter and love
until the sun and moon
feel like one sweeping motion,
dissolving the seconds
that lapse, that lapse

Someone could hold your hand
and suspend the entire universe
into a single moment
Even after you've let go
and are worlds apart,
Loneliness suddenly becomes
An antiquity

You feel his hand still there
and smell the flowers you placed
on your bedside table
and let the sun and moon
rise and fall
as they did the day before

Someone could make you live life
Life could be lived with someone

And maybe things would be
simply the ebb and flow
of love and time
Let it cradle you,
let it cradle you

But I cannot have these things
for the box is locked up
Out of my reach
Indefinitely

And so, what can I do
but attempt to disintegrate,
to destroy
such thoughts, such (im)possibilities
from the corners of my mind

What can I do
but look away from those who
pass by, two by two,
hand in hand

What can I do
but stand where I am
and let the loveless current
that is Life
move me forward

What can I do
but stare at the box
Locked
Alone in my room
As I hold the hand
of the greater being in whom I trust


- YNRC

[5:00 P.M., Home]